My Sky
by Kel56
Summary: Akashi recounts the beginnings of his relationship with Kuroko and how important he was to him as he says goodbye


_Authors note: Sorry for the angst.. again... No real warnings.. just sadness. Comments appreciated!_

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I didn't know anything was missing.

No. That's not true. I knew something was missing, but I had no idea what. I was gliding along in a fog without anything real to hold on to. I worked hard because that was how I was raised. I woke up and went about my tasks because that was what I was supposed to do. There was no meaning behind any of it though.

I was the best. I was absolute. I had nothing.

I had no reason to wake up beyond the call of duty. Such a reason was hollow and cold like the heart that resided within me.

Like those sky blue eyes.

No. That's not true either. Those blue eyes were never cold. They may have been distant, but they were never cold. They were warm and inviting. They held a world I had yet to discover and I was eager to explore.

Those eyes that belonged to him.

He was unassuming. He was barely more than a phantom, hence what would later become his title. There was little to him, yet he drew me in. His eyes pulled at my soul and for the first time in a while, I felt my heart stir. I felt my flame flicker and grow, feeding off the heat from those eyes that held the sky.

However, even in that moment, I had no idea just how special he truly was. I merely sensed a potential to be that which I was searching for. Potential is not enough without effort and opportunity though, so I gave him the opportunity and waited to see if he would put in the effort; if he could become what I was searching for.

I was not disappointed. Three months later he arrived during practice and gave a glimpse of the power he had within. Again, the flame within me flickered and grew. Something was changing. I was close to finding what I had been missing despite not knowing what it was.

Waking up became less of what I was supposed to do and more of what I wanted to do. I looked forward to that innocent blissful smile that graced his lips and ways he would exceed my expectations again and again. I thought I could predict anyone had I set my mind to it, but he was not anyone. He made me feel alive in a way I hadn't known for a long time.

And I loved looking into his eyes.

Until I placed pain within those eyes. My failure as a leader and a person stole his innocence and stole his smile. It may sound dramatic, but I assure you it is true. Perhaps it was not I, alone, who wounded him, but my hand was covered in far too much blood to deny my part.

Yet there was nothing I could do. I was trapped, watching those blue eyes drift farther and farther. I was not alone in feeling this loss, however. The other me felt it to and dared to make attempts at filling the void.

No. I cannot blame it on "another me." It was me. It was I who tried to replace him.

And I will forever be ashamed of what I did.

But he who held the sky in his eyes was a warrior and a lover. He fought against all odds. He fought for his friends, and he fought for me. Because of him, I was pulled from the depths of darkness and despair. I was saved from being my own victim.

His tireless efforts reached me when nothing else could and they stirred my soul. They fueled the flames within me until I had the strength to fight my demons.

But had I fought only for my hand to be rejected by him in the end, I imagine my life would have gone quite differently. I may have even fallen back into the pit from which I had barely escaped.

He continued to go beyond expectation though. He continued to show me a world I was unfamiliar with, or at the very least, had forgotten. He took my hand and accepted me. Despite all the damage I had done and all the unforgivable sins I had committed, he forgave me.

He accepted me.

He told me the words I desperately needed to hear.

He gave me the second chance I desperately needed.

Though it was slow, our relationship healed. The more time I spent with him, the more I realized he was what had been missing. He was what I needed all along. He was what gave the monotonous and meaningless tasks of living an energy and a purpose.

Though I regret to say his eyes were ever so slightly colder after my misdeeds, their warmth still enveloped me and stirred my soul. And it was looking into those beautiful eyes that I asked him to make me the happiest man alive. And it was those blue eyes that glistened with joyous tears when he accepted.

Ever since, I was blessed to wake, greeted by the sky.

I will forever miss that sky for the rest of my days. I know, from experience unfortunately, that nothing can ever replace Akashi Tetsuya.

May you rest in peace.


End file.
